


I'm yours

by charmandu



Series: Fixed Point in Time [2]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Getting Back Together, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 05:39:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18685225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmandu/pseuds/charmandu
Summary: Kim Jaehwan and Hwang Minhyun have broken up two years ago. They talk if they should get back together or stay that way.





	I'm yours

**Author's Note:**

  * For [choimineul](https://archiveofourown.org/users/choimineul/gifts).



> I think you can read this as an independent work but then again I'm not really sure. If you don't get what's happening maybe it's better to read the first part first.
> 
> (title to complete Stevie Wonder's Song: Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm yours)

The smell of eggs being cooked wakes him up. His eyes feel dry, discouraging him more from opening them. His breathing is steady but his mouth tastes of the bad aftermath of beer and Jack and Coke.

Last night comes to mind, and his spirit is more than awake now.

Jaehwan is thankful the curtains were not drawn. He could see sun rays peering through the drapes and he looks away as fast as he could—which makes his already-splitting headache worse, adding to how disoriented he is. He blinks several times.

He stares at the too-white ceiling as he tries to make out the memories of what happened the night before. He remembers not caring to count how many bottles and glasses were on his table, not caring if he’s forgotten to put back his mask after drinking, not caring who brought him here.

Right, there was a man.

He looks around the room. The door is slightly opened but not enough to let Jaehwan see what lies beyond. What time it was wherever he’s at, he didn’t know, so he tries to feel for his phone under his pillow. Given his sluggish movements because of the pain in his head, it takes some time. It has been a while since he drank that much alcohol, and he’s sure his brain didn’t expect the hangover.

After some time, Jaehwan gives up fishing for his phone so he tries to move and look at the bedside table on his right. Just beside the lamp shaped and textured like the moon, a 3R photo frame sits just beside his phone. _Oh._

It’s been two years. He never really thought this was something he would do or get to do, ever again—not after all the tears he cried, all the songs he’d written, the alcohol he had drunk.

“I’m on Minhyun hyung’s bed,” he whispers, realization, regret, and hope rolled into one.

The photo of them together stares back at him.

He grabs his phone. It’s seven in the morning. Usually, by this time, he’s already taken a bath, eaten bread or yoghurt, and is headed to his studio or the agency. He doesn’t dare open his messaging apps or his social media. If he can’t remember what happened last night, he would prefer not hear or read any supposed proof or recollection of it from the Internet.

He sits up slowly, still careful of his heavy head.

The first thing he notices is he is wearing a shirt. One a little bigger. Was it his? No. Was it Minhyun’s? Probably. He doesn’t want to think about it, at least not yet.

The room is fairly big, bigger than their shared apartment before. _He moved._ The walls are pink, no, old rose—like the shade he used for his first mini album, which he notices is safely shelved on one of the shelves situated on the corner near the right side of the bed. He also sees his second one as well, just beside it.

His mind is messed up right now and seeing this just made his head hurt more.

Jaehwan winces and scoots to the left to reach the glass of water beside the vase full of daisies. It was probably a bad decision because he feels his stomach flip after drinking. He immediately grabs the bucket from the floor, taking the wet towel from its rim before finally throwing up.

He couldn’t feel his throat from too much gagging, and he remembers with painful clarity the amount of liquid he’s drank last night.

Minhyun bursts in into the room, apron wrapped like second skin around his front, spatula in his right hand.

“Hey, oh my god.” He hurries to his side, rubbing his free hand on Jaehwan’s back. “You’re awake. Uhh, just let it out.”

Jaehwan feels his stomach twist and his cheeks burn. Of all the people that could’ve seen him like this, it just had to be Minhyun. “Hyu—”

He hurls one last time.

Minhyun inches closer, moving himself  to the middle of the bed. He is still rubbing Jaehwan’s back when he leans in to kiss Jaehwan’s temple.

Jaehwan’s eyes widen in shock. As sluggish as he feels, questions immediately cloud his mind, much more than what his brain could handle right now.

“Oh my —” Minhyun pulls away just as quickly, as if burnt. “I’m so sorry. I- I couldn’t help myself. I…” Minhyun looks down and tries to straighten his apron to ease the tension. “I’ve missed you and I’ve wanted to do that for so long. I’m so sorry, I’m being an asshole. I’m… I’m just… After what you’ve sent yesterday, I got my hopes up and…”

Minhyun let out a long exhale after pinching himself, so he could be back to reality. “How’s your stomach?” He asks, worry in his voice. “Do you still feel like throwing up?”

Out of words—or perhaps there is too much that he couldn’t choose any—Jaehwan shakes his head and hands him the bucket.

“I cooked breakfast,” Minhyun says. “Can you stand by yourself? Wait, wait. I’ll just get rid of this and I’ll come assist you.”

Minhyun knows he’s already blabbering and he needs to get away before he says anything more stupid. He rushes outside, leaving Jaehwan back to the still uncomfortable but at least less awkward silence that the room is giving him.

He wants to lay down again and drown himself in the softness of the thick light blue blanket that has been tucking him in. He slides down in an attempt to lie again and hopefully sleep the headache off of him but Minhyun is back, so he pushes himself up and off the bed. Jaehwan feels the cold as soon as he lets his legs out.

That’s when he realizes the boxers he is wearing are not his as well.

Minhyun immediately senses the unspoken question. “We didn’t—” He clears his throat. “We didn’t do anything, if you were wondering. I… I just changed your clothes because you threw up all over your clothes last night.”

Jaehwan wasn't planning on it but his first words to Minhyun hyung are, “I’m so sorry.” Perhaps not for throwing up, but for the hassle he's brought him. He couldn't imagine how hard it could be, nursing a heavily drunk Jaehwan (with soiled clothes at that). 

Minhyun smiles at him as he leads him to the kitchen. “It’s okay, you’ve apologized a thousand times yesterday and it’s not like you did it on purpose.”

Jaehwan is still quiet, unable to decide what to do in this situation. He is also unable to get his mind off of Minhyun’s kiss earlier, the sensation still burning in his temple. It didn’t feel weird or awkward; instead, it felt like a missing piece to a routine that was never there in the first place. He didn’t know he needed it but _it fits._ And it makes his stomach swirl, again.

“I’m sorry for taking your clothes off without your permission. I didn’t do anything beyond change your clothes, I promise.” Minhyun sighs as he put a sunny-side up on his plate, along with some tomatoes, garlic bread, and bacon.

Jaehwan finally finds the words, after a while. He swallows his hunger upon seeing the food. “It’s okay, hyung. Thank you for taking care of me. Uhh, can you walk me through what happened yesterday? My memory is blotchy.”

Minhyun’s eyes glisten and the corners of his mouth turns up and if Jaehwan held his breath at the sight, he won’t admit it.

“Do you need medicine for your head?” Minhyun asks.

“After eating, maybe,” Jaehwan answers. “Hmmm.”

“I took a leave from work today,” Minhyun admits. “Said I was not feeling well. I was hoping that you and I could, uhh, talk. With what happened yesterday, I…”

“Yeah, we should do that." Jaehwan hesitates. "Talk.” Jaehwan drinks up from the glass Minhyun passed to him earlier. It was coconut water and it helps his upset stomach calm down a little bit.

The breakfast is silent until he asks for a painkiller.  Jaehwan helps Minhyun clean the table up and he waits for him to finish washing the dishes while sitting on a stool beside the counter. His headache is finally waning. Either that or he’s busy thinking that this somehow feels like déjà vu.

He knows he’s seen this scene before—him watching Minhyun’s back, just behind the counter. It was probably in their old apartment when they were still together during Mondays, Wednesdays, and Friday nights, because that’s Minhyun’s schedule to clean up. His was Tuesdays, oh, and Thursdays, and Saturday nights, too. They’d usually order online during Sundays, when it’s warm. Or just stay under the sheets until the afternoon when it’s rainy or snowy. Sleep until they get hungry by five or six in the evening.

Those times, just being together was enough. They were both content. What was it again that broke them apart?

“You grew.” Minhyun sees the train of thought in Jaehwan’s eyes lose track.

“Huh?” Jaehwan shakes himself back to the present.

“Taller, I mean.”

Jaehwan sighs, afraid that he was being too transparent with his thoughts, his… feelings. “Oh. Yeah, it’s been two years, hyung.”

“Right.” Minhyun pauses, biting his lower lip, thinking of his next move. “Are you comfortable talking here?”

Jaehwan nods at the question but immediately retracts his response. “Can we, uhh, if it’s okay with you, talk on the bedroom? I want to rest my back on the headboard, at least. It’s kind of painful.”

Minhyun smiles at him again and Jaehwan almost forgets how he had managed to get on with his life without seeing this beautiful man, without knowing how his day went through everyday, without making sure that he is the one in his heart. 

Minhyun heads to the room and Jaehwan followed. The taller man sat down at the edge of the bed, the side with the vase. Looking at him is almost painful to Jaehwan,  how he looks so familiar yet so different. Time was kind to him, and Jaehwan thanks god for it.

He walks to the other side but stops to inspect his albums on the cabinet. Jaehwan takes one. “You, uhh, bought this.” Jaehwan’s eyes widen when he sees his signature on the front cover. “I signed it,” he says to himself.

“Uhh, yeah,” Minhyun chuckles. “I wanted to support you, of course. The signature was from when you had a gig in Park Hyatt, my cousin ran up to you after the performance.”

“And said that her hyung liked my music so much. I remember her, she’s a cute kid.”

“Yeah, she forced to take my copy so that she can give her signed one to me. I don’t even know why. She didn’t know about us, of course. Kids are just, weird.” Minhyun relaxes onto the bed.

Jaehwan continues to the bed and looks up as he sits down. “Nice color.”

“It’s your…” Minhyun pauses, as if gauging if Jaehwan is getting weirded out by the sudden confession.

“It’s also the color of the first album,” Jaehwan finishes.

“Are you weirded out?”

“I know I should be,” Jaehwan admits. “But if my assumptions are right, then, it’s sweet.”

Minhyun smiles. “What’s your assumption?”

“Tell me about last night first.”

Minhyun chuckles at the offer. “Why did you drink nine or ten or more bottles than what you can handle? You’re usually knocked down at the fifth bottle.”

“Wait, where are my clothes?”

“I put them in the washing machine. Good thing they’re all black. I could wash them all at once.”

Jaehwan leans back to the headboard, getting comfortable, with one pillow on his lap. “I was at a funeral yesterday.”

Minhyun is shocked. “What? Whose?”

Jaehwan covers his face with the pillow, and growls. He puts it down soon, his face looking very much defeated. He’s admittedly trapped and is forced to tell the truth.

“My feelings for you,” Jaehwan finally admits with a resigned sigh. “I was trying to bury them so I could move on.”

“And you weren’t successful?” Minhyun sighs at the realization that no one actually died.

“What makes you say that?”

Minhyun shakes his head, excited of what he’s about to reveal. He gets his phone from his pocket and shows Jaehwan a message he doesn’t remember writing or sending.

_I should be over you but I just can’t. I still love you so much._

Jaehwan looks at the window, the curtains are now drawn. The view shows a blue, cloudless sky. “I guess I failed,” he hums. Jaehwan looks sentimental, like he’s taking a time to lament before he plans out his next exit strategy. “That’s probably why my body punished me with a splitting headache and an upset stomach.”

Minhyun is amused at how Jaehwan could still joke about the situation. He settles his legs on the bed, closing in the gap between them, his sweatpants hiding his goosebumps from the nervousness. “Is the message true or was that the alcohol speaking?” Minhyun looks at Jaehwan in the eyes. “Be honest with me.”

The younger shifts his position, he’s now facing Minhyun. Ready to spill, ready to give it away. He needs to let go.  It’s time to yield and he has nothing to lose. If there would be something to gain, then he’s thankful. But if he gets otherwise, then he’s placed all his cards down, the funeral continues and this time he should finish it. Bury these feelings for real.

It’s been two years and it’s time for acceptance. He just needs Minhyun’s rejection—or, dare he hope, confirmation.

Jaehwan answers with a question. “Did you rush to the pub because you believed it to be true or because you wanted to free me from _this_.” Jaehwan gestures his hands as he’s having difficulties in conveying his thoughts. Jaehwan throws back his remark. “Be honest with me.”

“What was the last thing you remember?”

“The Jack and Coke I ordered after the fifth bottle?”

Minhyun lets out a laugh at this, louder this time. “I’m happy you still have that humor.”

Jaehwan tries to look away from the soft, soft eyes Minhyun has on him. His headache is gone and he knows that his mind is not playing tricks on him when he felt sincerity in his gaze. “You love that about me.”

“I do,” Minhyun says, immediately, as if he didn’t even think about it. “I still do." He starest down at his lap after such a confession. "Just like everything else about you.”

Jaehwan looks at him. He doesn’t know what he’s feeling, but it’s close to being sorry--though he still doesn’t know what for. Talking will help, surely.

“Last night? Enlighten me, please?” Jaehwan’s tone is sad and pleading. Minhyun will surely tell the truth but given the uncertain reaction from Jaehwan, he’s not ready for it, but might as well face it.

Minhyun tries to read him as he starts, starting slowly, careful of every word he’s unraveling. “I rushed. I made my way there as soon as I got the message.” A small smile colors his face. “Unlike you, however. I was just on my way to buy some drinks. Mourn for a while and probably go on with life. It was unplanned.” Minhyun feels his mouth drying up, tears welling up in his eyes. “I was okay with how everything turned out. You are great at what you’re doing, you’re finally where you want to be. And I’m at the top of my career.”

Minhyun gives Jaehwan a sad smile. “I thought that another year will pass by again, just like last year,” he continues. “Drink some while listening to your songs, wondering if any of them were dedicated for me.”

“They are all for you,” Jaehwan interrupts, voice cracking.

Minhyun tears up at the declaration. “Shh, I’m not done yet.”

Jaehwan is crying now, too, but he smiles, albeit faintly.

“Reading your message yesterday, I didn’t even doubt it,” Minhyun smiles. “I surely didn’t expect you were that drunk, though.”

Both of them chuckle, giving them time for a clearer head.

Minhyun continues. “It was the signal I was praying for. So when I read it, I didn’t hesitate. I drove there. I was such in a panic that I didn’t even get the chance to rehearse what I was going to say. All I know was you want me back and that the feeling is mutual.”

He sighs, shrugs, and takes a deep breath, eyes still on Jaehwan despite his tears. “When we saw each other yesterday, you hugged me so tight and I told you how much I missed you, missed hugging you. Though I would very much prefer not seeing you cry, though.” Minhyun breathes a heavy sigh. “You told me that we’ve grown up; grown apart. And—”

“It’s time to grow together, again.” Jaehwan completes, tears still flowing.

“That was the confirmation I needed,” Minhyun smiles. “And I would very much appreciate it if you confirm it to me, again. Minus the influence of alcohol.” Minhyun stands up and goes to the cabinet near the door, getting two handkerchiefs. He passes one to Jaehwan.

“You asked me to be honest with you.” Jaehwan says and this clearly made Minhyun stiffen his posture, expecting the unexpected. The reaction he’s been waiting for, it’s finally here. “So that’s what I’m going to be.” He uses the cloth Minhyun gave to wipe the tears slowly falling from his eyes.

Jaehwan struggles to look back at Minhyun. “Two years ago, the very person who I thought supported me and my dreams no matter what, broke my heart.”

Minhyun looks down--maybe in shame, maybe in acceptance.

“You told me what happened last night, so let me tell you what happened _that_ night. Just to fill you in.” Jaehwan commits. Sometimes, when he gets really tired during travels, or gigs, he dreams about this. The conversations have always been a blur and sometimes they don’t talk at all. They just look at each other, with curious eyes, lips itching to open up and talk. Or kiss. Depends on how tired he really is, physically or emotionally.

Minhyun pulls Jaehwan out from his daze. “I wanted to ask. But I figured that maybe a third or fourth date kind of thing.” He breathes, seeing that his humor isn’t welcome. “Sungwoon told me you stayed with him for a night.”

“I forget you check up on me.” Jaehwan looks at the window and sighs. Of course. Of course, Minhyun would ask their circle of friends. He did that too, but a few weeks after the breakup. He didn’t have enough strength or the emotional intelligence to handle it if ever he hears about him. “What he probably didn’t tell you was how much I cried.”

Jaehwan’s eyebrows knot and his lips purse. The younger’s face breaks Minhyun’s heart; and perhaps he deserves it.

He knew that look--he was afraid of it. God, he even tried to be firm and leave as soon as he can the night of the break up, all to free himself from looking at this innocent face, undeserving of anything he’s making him go through. And he’s seeing it now, close--much too close.

Minhyun knew the consequences, the pain and all of what Pandora’s box has to offer. Minhyun knew it was going to be a mess, that it’s going to be ugly and all batshit crazy. But apart from that, he also knows Jaehwan’s healing process. Minhyun knows that the breakup will lead to a breakdown, hell, he experienced it too. Both of them, breaking into pieces, alone.

But Jaehwan being broken doesn’t mean he isn’t strong. For all he’s seen of Jaehwan, Minhyun believes that even though he’s shattered, he could be tough too, all at once.

He’ll pick up the pieces and with it, rebuild himself. Better and more beautiful.

Minhyun lifts the handkerchief and takes it to dry his tears. “I’m--I’m _really_ sorry.”

Jaehwan looks at him, tears silently streaming on his cheeks. “I’m okay, hyung. Well, right now. Not that night. It was awful.” He gives a weak smile, eyes carefully observing Minhyun. He’s waiting for something, a pretense maybe. But all he sees in his eyes are faith and yearning; and maybe it’s in his eyes too because Minhyun shifts closer, as if attempting to comfort him.

“You know, hyung…” Jaehwan licks his lips. “It was hard to adjust after the breakup. We’ve been together for so long, since we were young.” He’s sobbing. “But I did it, hyung. I got through it, alone. It was scary at first--but, but I made it.”  

“And I’m proud of you.” Minhyun sniffs. “You know what _this_ means.”

Jaehwan nods.

“If we’re going to do this…” The older pauses.

“We have to accept that we have changed. It will never be as if you never left, that I was not left behind. There will be gaps that you need to fill me in but also gaps that I hope you leave untouched.”

Minhyun reaches out to take Jaehwan’s hand. His thumb caresses his palm, a small act of assurance for better days. “I know and I accept.”

They inched closer to each other. Closer that Jaehwan can smell the change in his detergent, yet he still smells like home. He sees that Minhyun looks different, that maturity suits him. But, if he’s going to be so honest; he still looks like the very same boy he fell in love with.

The one who rocks that James Dean aura but wears those stupid old denim that makes him look like a godfather. The one who laughs at his own, terrible jokes. The one who takes him out to buy himself a new pair of shoes, but ends up making Jaehwan try all sorts of clothes, and they’ll just giggle and wait until the saleslady give them the stink eye. The one who makes a dinner reservation at six, but actually comes at seven. The one who listens to his songs first. He’s honest most of the time, but he can be cruel too, especially when it comes to Jaehwan’s cooking (as if he’s a better cook than him).  

Minhyun is his first love. The very first one who swept him off of his feet and took his heart (Jaehwan gave it willingly). The one he thinks could be the last. The one who he thinks would sacrifice so much just for them to make their relationship through. They've been through so much, been broken apart, and here they are, once more. 

“Jaehwan,” Minhyun calls. The sound of his own name rings in his ears--it’s painful but it’s beautiful too. “Do you hate me for breaking your heart?”

“No.”

“Why?”

Jaehwan intertwines his hand to Minhyun’s. “Do you remember why I like old rose?” Minhyun’s eyes brighten, Jaehwan continues. “The first time you told me you love me, you gave me a rose, an old one. I was confused at first but you said it is papier-mâché.”

“Because real flowers are too perfect and they wither.” Minhyun supplies.

“You said our love…” Jaehwan bawls. “Our love will never be perfect. There will be many challenges, many humps along the way.  That you will love me, despite the flaws, despite the imperfection.”

“Because loving the flower should also mean loving its thorns.”

“Knowing you, breaking up with me… It wasn’t because you gave up on us. You did it for my sake. So, thank you.”

Minhyun pulls him into a hug and both of them are a mess.

Jaehwan’s eyes are awfully tired, if not for the few hours of sleep but for the crying.

“We’ll talk more in the evening. Let’s rest for a while.” Jaehwan suggests as he looks up to Minhyun, now spooning him. Both of them drift of to sleep, dreaming of the daisies on the bedside table.

Jaehwan believes that starting over wouldn’t be easy. There will be a lot more to discuss, a lot more things to settle. It will ask for their time to learn and relearn each other. It will be tedious. But because they love each other, they will be patient. They will give effort. They will make it work.

**Author's Note:**

> Relationships are complex and not all relationships are meant for a second chance. Always know the root of the breakup and its potential to break you up again, if you're considering to get back with someone.


End file.
